Ever since I started blogging, my one goal has been to glorify God with all that I have.

I've experimented with different types of content, each of which has taught me new things about myself and drawn me closer to God. Yet, I still feel like I'm missing the mark with what I'm trying to do here.

I had planned to release a Wrap-Up and another book review before leaving, but I feel like this can't wait. I'm going on a month long hiatus right now.

I need time off to refine all that I've learnt during my time blogging.

There are things I want to zero in on and things I want to drop entirely, and I won't figure out what they are while I'm in the middle of doing them. I need to hear from God, pray, be alone, and explore.

When I return, I've no doubt that my vision will be clear.

I will still be active on other platforms. Like Goodreads, Facebook, Fable, Substack, and YouTube. Commenting, posting little reading updates, and maybe some drawing progress.

God bless you all and see you all in July!

When life is this uneventful, its simple rhythm might rock anyone into an easy slumber. Warm blankets of routine, soft pillow of few worries, and dreams safe enough to forget you’re dreaming.

WAKE UP!

You’re still a warrior in the middle of a war!

That’s a warning I hear when a certain type of restfulness falls over me. After all the joy of learning to intercede last month, I got exhausted.

The reading was emotionally heavy, so I lay my books down.

The weather got cold. I wrapped myself in a blanket.

Looking at screens left me overwhelmed, so I took a break from electronics, let silence take over.

Without so many problems, my eyes saw stillness, called it security, and I mentally fell asleep.

“Then the mariners were afraid; and every man cried out to his god, and threw the cargo that was in the ship into the sea, to lighten the load. But Jonah had gone down into the lowest parts of the ship, had lain down, and was fast asleep.”

Jonah 1:5, NKJV

I don’t think the world is calling for Christians to fall asleep right now is the issue.

It’s Mid- May, and that’s just where my thoughts are at. How can I look at needs all around me and still forget what I’m supposed to be doing? I’m not calling for panic. I’m calling for us to be alert, show some care, zeal, obedience, and love.

I started this blog to glorify God. I have plans that I need to get back on track regarding that. Which is a note to myself, but I just thought I’d share it with you all anyway. Just in case anyone else feels they’re asleep or just sleepwalking through life somedays.

You know God called you do something.

Maybe that’s study your bible, read it regularly, share an experience, or write something that calls you out of your comfort zone… I don’t know. May the Holy Spirit give you recollection if this is for you. Maybe it’s to give something up or slow down or rest so God can talk to you. Or maybe it’s time to get serious about seeking Him through prayer, fasting, or fellowship.

Nothing physical has happened in May, but plenty is happening in my thoughts and other places only prayer can reach. Those things are under the guise of still waters and getting stuff done.

I feel such a desperation to start making choices that will change things and bring heaven down on earth. After seeing God answer my prayers last month… I am amazed at how much time I’ve wasted NOT praying. Faith does move mountains! God answers! I can’t sink back into flat-line Chiristianity after realising what God has revealed about our position as His sons and daughters.

It doesn’t make sense to sleep in a storm.

So the captain came to him, and said to him, “What do you mean, sleeper? Arise, call on your God; perhaps your God will consider us, so that we may not perish.”

Jonah 1:6, NKJV

Reading Update

I finished The Holy War earlier than expected. The remaining pages turned out to be John Bunyan’s life story and a very helpful glossary, which – had I known existed – would’ve given me even deeper understanding of each character name  I opted to skip John Bunyan’s life story because I have an Ebook about his spiritual struggles, and have managed to convince myself it would all be spoilers to read all about him in the back of The Holy War.

I also began two new books, so you’ll now have the unfortunate privilege of hearing me geek out about other books for a while.

I started and finished The Horse and His Boy. I also started The Water Keeper by Charles Martin.

The Holy War

The end was just as spectacular as the beginning.

I have a day’s-worth of things to say. It just showcased so many passages in the bible with such great clarity and creativity that I wish everyone would read it just to have the pleasure of hearing them say:

“I understand so much more now about how the enemy works…”

You’ll hear scripts from your own thoughts, recognise things you might have dwelling in your own town of “Mansoul“, and – most importantly – you’ll see how glorious and merciful our God is.

I think anyone who reads The Holy War will get a sweet of taste true victory in Christ.

The Horse and His Boy

I decided to bring a friend along on this adventure  We both enjoyed it! Thanks so much for the fun, Kacie!

I went in expecting C.S. Lewis to do what he’d done in the other books. That is, retell a bible story. I’m taking a quote from my friend here when I say I pleasantly surprised to “sit comfortably in the dark” with the direction of The Horse and His Boy.

Any direction C.S. Lewis takes, I can only imagine him writing well. He’s a writer who delivers and plans so well that he could take the story to ballerina land with flying fish and custard lakes and still make it glorify God and come out excellent.

Shasta, Bree, and the other amazing characters, Archenland, Anvard, and the amazing sites and cultures, C.S. Lewis’s writing style, the Christian elements, and the plot! I loved every single page.

It’s everything I wanted and more. Plus, I just adore the names  They are so fun and whimsical.

The Water Keeper

Murphy Shepherd, “a man of many secrets,” who lives alone on an island. He rescues people. On his trip to lay his mentor to rest, he pulls a beautiful lady out of Florida’s Intracoastal Waterway, and he decides to help her find her missing daughter.

It’s a race against the clock to find her.

Chapter One was so promising, but as I read on, I got put off by the writing and direction of the story.

Then I read some more and got sucked in. Charles Martin is such an amazing author!

His storytelling is like working on a puzzle with innumerable pieces. And some pieces will only be discovered after the story is over.

Which I find very Dickens-like, except, instead of having to remind myself to trust the process like I do with all the Dickens that I’ve read, I do that naturally with every turn of the page. There’s a growing depth, interesting dialogue, characters who keep surprising me, and I have no idea how we’re getting to where we’re heading. Spoon after spoon of intrigue and mystery built out of genuine concern for the well-being of others. I love when stories of this nature build tension from caring because of something wholesome.

You’d expect to run on pure adrenaline for a story like this, but Charles Martin humanises thriller elements by turning victims into people by founding us in compassion with the horrible truth about what will happen to them. I’m reading because I want a hurting mother to find her daughter, who I now want nothing but the best for. He also uses a slower pace with moments of flashback, heartwarming side quests, and meaningful dialogue.

This is a “just one more chapter“ book. I’m already bothered that it’s not 1000 pages long because the night where I finish it in hours is fast approaching.

I feel silly for ever doubting the author’s ability.

Who is an author who makes you lose track of time?

I’d love to hear how May is going so far! Let me know in the comments.

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Father, I seek You in today’s planning. Save me from the temptations from culture, social media, and my own limited understanding.

I feel uncomfortable because I am ignorant here. Please let Your Word guide me. Through my time here, You have revealed more of its goodness and truth. Draw me even closer to You.

Thank You for all the joy yesterday. I had fun. I didn’t think I’d be able to fall back in so easily. I’m happy and grateful. Even if today is harder, may the battle and perseverance bear more fruit within me.

In Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏🏾

Today is about decisions on her wardrobe.

There are many things I plan to dress this character in because drawing clothes, fashion, and hair are some of my favourite things to do. I enjoy matching colours and imitating patterns and fabrics.

In the past, I was heavily influenced by immodest fashion choices – bared belly buttons, shirtless men, tight clothes, big chests, provocative clothing, and basically nudity. Now, it makes me really uncomfortable to think of dressing this character like that.

Dressing according to biblical standard isn’t really popular. Even in old anime, manga, and cartoons.

When I look at the cartoons of my youth, it’s almost as if the world had one agenda from the beginning, and now it has come to fruition.

Scripture actually has so much to say about how a woman’s outer appearance should communicate modesty, humility, and not be a temptation to men. Just because modesty is losing its popularity does not mean it is losing its power.

Personality can still be communicated while honouring what God says about how we ought to dress.

The question is how? My head is abuzz with crop tops, short dresses, and bright loud colours… That’s all that’s ever been communicated to me about how to express a personality like the one I am creating.

This calls for research, toning back some of my ideas, and finding different ways to incorporate them while still expressing what God says is good and beautiful.

Me feeling wrong about breaking the world’s rules about fashion can only be a sign of how deeply ingrained our standard of beauty in art is in me.

I need a set of biblical fashion rules!

This is Day 2 in my drawing diary.

And this is my current progress:

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“Father, this is an old space where I once found joy. I pray that joy becomes complete in You from now on. May this be a place that I seek You. May these pictures, this wondrous process, be a blessing in the lives of others and my own again. Holy Spirit, I invite You into every plan and process. Thank You, God, for restoring this joy to me.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

I start with a prayer. I always try to remember to start with a prayer. Not a hurried one. One that empties my fear and centers me back on faith.

I’ve decided to start from scratch, a bit.

I’m designing an Original Character or two. I’ll start with one. I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew and overwhelm myself. That’s part of the reason I’m going with one character to use in every coming picture.

It’s also the reason I’m designing her in a “new-to-me” art style. My old art style leaned more towards realism in anime styles. I don’t want to completely give up realism and challenging details, but to start with, I think an easy, less detailed, quicker to capture style suits my current limits and needs. She will be a joy to practice with.

What will I name her?

I was thinking something like Humane or Sapien or something that just means human.

Something that will say – with no explanation – the journey we go on with God, the things we learn, the curiosity we have, our bursting creativity, how we make mistakes and hownHe meets us in them, the light we shine because of who lives in us, and how this makes us Human.

From all I described, she might as well be called Christiana from Pilgrim’s Progress 😂

I am going to look into an aesthetic for her today and just brainstorm who she’ll be. I have an idea, but it needs creating.

This is Day One in my drawing diary.

And this is where I’ve reached currently:

She is so close to image inside my head.

Character design in progress 😆

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Note: Unfortunately, I did not start reviewing this series on this blog. You, my readers, are not aware of my opinions on previous books. All previous reviews are on Goodreads and will be updated and posted here in the future.

SPOILER ALERT: If you have never read The Left Behind Series or are currently reading it and have not reached this far, this review contains spoilers for previous books.

Book Description

Nicolae Caparthia is now awake and indwelt by Satan himself. With a display of supernatural powers, the world throws themselves at his feet and worship him as god.

Meanwhile, the time for believers to buy and sell with freedom has come to an end. They must choose: Take the Mark and align themselves with the forces of evil or die in faith.

Review

I have struggled with The Left Behind Series for about a year or two now.

I never enjoy writing negative reviews. Especially negative reviews for Christian fiction. I feel so conflicted when I don’t like something that attempts to incorporate such an important message into a story. Especially The Left Behind series, which meets its mission of educating and drawing me towards The Book of Revelations, but has failed to capture my heart with its narrative.

I’m sorry I kept this one in the vault for so long. I needed to sort out my feelings so I could deliver them with a clear head.

The Mark made me want to quit reading the series.

The entire series has had two major factors that encouraged me to stick around this long:

1. Educational quality: The events, their interpretations, and sheer wonder during the scenes of their delivery have made me want to pick up the bible and read this particular book for myself.

2. The Christian elements and themes: Throughout the series, I can’t help relating to and being deeply touched by the scenes full of heartfelt prayer, fellowship, worship, and the characters striving to apply the Word of God. No matter how I’ve felt about the characters, in those moments, having a share in their experiences (at a smaller scale, of course, I have never survived anything like this), I empathised with them.

Those things are so hard to ignore. Plus, I’m just someone who doesn’t DNF. I live on the blind hope that: “Maybe the ending will save it?”

I did note some positive changes in this book compared to previous books.

The Mark, unlike some before it, sets an appropriate mood for the events it follows.

The Antichrist, indwelt by Satan, takes on an entirely new character who actually inspires fear. The comical quality of most of our villains has worn me out the whole series. The writing often undermines the villains, has almost all the heroes cracking jokes at their expense, and even addressing them with sarcasm and rudeness. There is a huge missed opportunity to deliver stronger messages about the power of evil. And it just isn’t very realistic. Even if your superiors were evil, what sense would it make to talk to them like that? For a story like this one, it also subtracts from the tension if no one actually feels some sense of the authority the villains hold. As believers, yes, we have confidence in God that makes us bold and brave in the face of the enemy. That fearlessness and strength is amplified – in my opinion – when even our powerful enemies are treated with respect and self-control on our part. I am at least glad that one part of that problem is solved. This Caparthia is written as formidable. He is properly scary and ruthless.

“He was granted power to give breath to the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak and cause as many as would not worship the image of the beast to be killed. He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”

~ Revelation 13:15-17, NKJV

The tension also received a much needed amp up as the Tribulation Force can no longer hide in plain sight.

All this time, they’ve been hiding behind that freedom of working for the Antichrist. It hasn’t been easy for the members deep undercover, but it’s always given them easier access to solutions that made the story feel predictable and unrealistic. The mark of loyalty will reveal whose side they’re really on, and I love the pressure that puts on the characters for once.

Although…

This book focuses more on the panic of being forced out of hiding – the preliminary actions of the believers preparing to enter this new era where they will have to die for their faith.

It still forces both readers and characters into a state of not knowing what happens next. Which is more than we’ve had, so I’m grateful for that.

The series has accumulated a diverse cast of characters. Not ethnically (it’s always been ethnically diverse), just as people.

We have enthusiastic new believers, scholarly ones, those who don’t fully understand the teachings but still help with what they do know. We also have people who have made big mistakes, rude people, moody ones, and gracious, patient, hopeful believers with different gifts and talents. Our cast is different parts working to be this great body of Christ. It’s a lot like how I imagine a church to look and work. It is beautiful to see such a well-oiled machine.

BUT even with all those improvements…

It hit me that these elements are things I’m picking out from many problems of the past. When I’m very into a book, I’m often gushing, not conceding things! The good points of this review are not the most appealing to me 🥲

I’m finally ready to just come out and say: This series has outright failed to use the elements of good storytelling to create a compelling narrative with engaging characters, interesting circumstances, and good writing. Its full function is a clear message about the End Times, but that function is not married well with a story that has been consistently engaging to me.

I noticed that my motivation to continue has solely revolved around everything about our faith. I am thinking about the times we live in and where we would be headed if we were destined to see the End Times now. This series fully encourages us to think about The Book of Revelations event by event. Which is wonderful if you’ve never been one to meditate on Revelations.

Fiction is never to be a substitute for Scripture, but it can be an excellent incentive to go look at the Word, notice the world around you, and start noting biblical prophecy and the spirit of the time. We are called to be alert.

“Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming. “But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. “Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”

~ Matthew 24:42-44, NKJV

Being a novel does hold The Left Behind series to an implied expectation of some standard of storytelling. But the main attraction is: Witnessing Biblical Prophecy.

That is the main character of every book in this series! I love The Bible and seeing God glorified through story but that can’t be executed well when the “other” characters and elements lack depth and well-paced development. The writing itself ignores opportunities to help us invest, and the scenes where we explore deep themes are reduced because of all the other missing elements of good storytelling. So much is pushed aside with humour or making light of situations.

It is so hard to emotionally connect consistently.

I am sorry for the rant 🥲 I usually avoid voicing my negative opinion on books because I am so scared- not of the opinions of others – but crossing into the realm of disrespect or sounding hateful. I want to leave such things out of this space in general.

Can I recommend The Left Behind Series in good faith?

Generally, no. Not as a story, anyway. (I’m sorry if this is your favourite series.) But I just do not like the writing. Maybe as a way to inspire you to go read The Book of Revelations, though. I can recommend it if you want some inspiration to learn about what The Bible says. Again, it’s not a substitute for the Bible. The Left Behind Series is fictional, not accurate. The Bible is the original text. The Truth.

This is the only End Times fiction that I’ve ever read, so I’m not well read in the genre. I’m guessing there are books out there that can marry both story and End Times Scripture that might be an even better investment than The Left Behind Series, which is 12 books long with 3 separate prequels and 1 separate sequel (15 books in total, then).

BUT I also haven’t finished the series and still hold hope that the next books might be better written.

Book 1 was phenomenal. Yes, books 2-7 were not the best, but here we are; book 8, and I’m happy to see some things changing the atmosphere…

I want to see where this goes. I will know for sure whether or not it’s been worth the investment when I read the final book.

I have read series that have turned out to build up really well. Maybe this is one of them?

I’d also love to hear your thoughts on The Left Behind Series.

Have you read it? Did you like it or hate it?

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Previous years have taught me a lot about taking my time, how my tastes have developed, and how I best enjoy my time with books.

I’ve noticed that the more I read, the slower I go. The slower I go, the more I stop to write things down, ponder, and talk to God in prayer.

Earlier on this journey, I was heavily influenced by the current reading culture. Well stocked libraries, finishing several books a month, and reading goals of 50+. Not that there’s anything wrong with that being someone’s natural pace and lifestyle. It just isn’t mine.

I have different circumstances, and I’m wired differently.

At present, I slow down no matter the pace or that urgency to rush through the excitement. Scenes feel all the more precious when my heart is galloping, but my mind isn’t racing with desperation to see what happens next.

I can pause. I want to.

I want to take notes. I want to take quotes. When I write down my reflections and pause to pray and meditate, something beautiful happens.

My joy has deepened the further I have journeyed into fiction this way.

I want to do more of that this year. Especially for the books I find myself really enjoying.

On this blog, it’s no secret that I read a lot of Christian fiction and Classics (with some exceptions here and there) and that I am a huge planner. So if you’re new here, welcome! And now you know.

I just wanted to say all that to say that things will look a little different this year on my blog regarding content. Slower reading will likely mean slower release for book reviews and that my upcoming Monthly Wrap-ups and Mid-Month Updates may not always include a completed book. But that’s for another time.

Without any more chatter on development, let’s get to that list!

But Casey, those are less than 30 books!

That’s true.

And the books you are currently reading aren’t even on this list!

Again, true.

I arranged this reading list in January of 2025 out of the unread books on my physical shelf at the time. The list says 30 because that’s my reading goal for the year. Just in case I do meet the goal…

Those extra slots are my free slots.

When I made this list, I didn’t have any ebooks or any of the new books I added to my shelf.

When I made this list, the only thing on my mind was reading every unread book in my physical library so that I could have the joy of rereading any book I wanted. I promised myself that I would finish my physical library before rereading anything.

But yeah, this 2026 in books.

From now on, you can expect Mid-Month Updates, Monthly Wrap-ups, and Book Reviews for these books this year. If you see any of your favourites or books you hated, let’s get excited about them in the comments below, Facebook, Substack, or YouTube; where I post my progress, quotes, and shorter reflections frequently 🙂

I’d love to know if you’ve read any of these before!

What books do you know you’re getting to in 2026?

“Will you give God what you love most?”

Over this week long study, I certainly hope you've gotten a greater sense of security that God is worthy of your trust. I hope that you're moving towards surrender to Him even if it is hard.

Remember what we've seen?

1. The only way to love something purely is to let God have it. Otherwise, it can be an idol in our lives.

2. Giving God everything is better than withholding it because He is the one safest place to lay down everything.

3. Putting our faith in who God is will push past anything that speaks against the Truth of His promises.

4. Our intimacy with God can come from sacrifice.

5. God is faithful, and we can trust Him.

Whatever weakness you may feel in the matter right now is a blessing. And even that you may give to God. We need God to fulfil His word to begin with. After this, I hope that a strong desire for more of the God Abraham saw fit to surrender his beloved son to is born in the heart of every reader. You and I can have the same trust when we abide in Christ.

We have spent only 7 days on our verse, yet the wisdom revealed is eternal.

Our religion is a living one. We don't get to read this, seep in the wonder like water in a tub, and then dry ourselves off and let it drain away. Abraham’s example is meant to be followed. Don't forget our main hope for being in the Word.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

James 1:22-27, NKJV

We should invite God to search our hearts and grow our faith. For He is the worker of all good in us and by Him alone do we bear fruit.

May this study create zeal and draw us closer than ever to God!

God wants our everything, given willingly.

My prayer for us is:

“Help us release everything that stops us from full surrender. Playing games, prioritising the wrong things, the lack of discipline towards the things of You. Even if it brings us discomfort while we wake early, to spend time with You, challenge our thoughts.

“May we be careful with Your Word and bold as we live it out.”

In Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏🏾

If God taught us so much in a week, with only the effort of an hour a day so, then what more a week where I’m walking and warring to be with Him?

What has your experience been like with Genesis 22:2?

Have you learned anything new? Been curious to explore it in depth? I’d love to hear what you found 🙂

May next week be full of blessings. Pray for the upcoming week, and don’t forget what you’ve learned this week.

There is a blessedness of having nothing, and it comes from withholding nothing from God.

When God made this world, He made things for man’s use and enjoyment. Man’s heart was supposed to be a place meant for Him. Then sin entered, and man began to place different things where God should be. Our treasure went from God and all He is to having the World and all it offers.

In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer uses Abraham as the example of a heart that surrendered all to God. Reading his chapter on this topic inspired me to explore Genesis 22:2 more.

Tozer called Abraham’s love for Isaac uncleansed, saying that God had come in to save both Abraham and Isaac from the danger of such an impure love.

How on earth could the love of a father towards his son be impure to God?

Tozer suggests that Isaac ran the risk of becoming something Abraham just could not let go.

“There can be no doubt that this possessive clinging to things is one of the most harmful habits in the life. Because it is so natural it is rarely recognized for the evil that it is; but its outworkings are tragic. We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety; this is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.”

-The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer

Once Abraham was able to surrender that which he loved to God, his love became right and pure.

We do ourselves one of the worst harms by holding on to things instead of trusting God with them.

There are so many things I'm scared of putting in God's hands. It almost feels like I was born holding them. I think many influences and experiences shaped how tight my grip is and how my lack of trust in God was formed. We've had many conversations over the years about the people I'm scared to lose, the emotions I'd rather handle by myself, the gifting that had its own direction, and the dreams I didn’t want His help to achieve. Growing up, it just felt mandatory to be independent and protective over everything that's mine.

But it is so exhausting and painful to keep things from God.

And as I've slowly let go more and more. I've noticed how much fear was behind each of those things. Lies, too. I had many substitutes to run to that helped me hold on tighter by feeding a false sense of security instead of giving it God.

We do not need to hold on to a fear that God will take what we love and crush it, kill our dreams, put us through unnecessary hardship, or hurt our loved ones.

The blessedness of having nothing lies in trusting and knowing the Truth about God and who He is. The more you get to know God, the more you'll understand that even if the worst were to come, He is the one who will hold you up, not hold your head underwater. You can trust Him with death, with your tears, with your whole life.

When I've given Him things in the past, it has been a tearful mountain climb, a struggle with obedience, and yes, sometimes giving something up entirely to never get it back again. That is scary. That is hard. Having to say, “God, I give it to You,” when I've lost a parent or watched a loved one suffer for days in sickness with no relief, it is not easy. I want to cling, plan, and do it myself, then blame Him when it wrecks me completely.

In surrender, I've found what Abraham found in his obedience. That God is faithful. There are so many outcomes for the Moriah Moments of life. Always, in many different ways, God is faithful to provide.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV

Shall we pray? 🙏🏾

“My prayer over us today is simply that this is rooted in our hearts when we're scared of every outcome.

“May we come to know and love God so dearly that we trust Him completely.

“Everything is safe in His loving hands.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏🏾”

Stay and Chat 💬

Or let's just sit in silence with God. Rather, be still where you are. Get alone if you need to and chat with God. The conversation can continue beyond here. Share this with a friend or talk about this topic with someone wiser than you who you know has lost a lot, but still trusts God.

We are surrounded by people like Abraham, did you know? 😁 Some of you even have parents, friends, online friends, or elders in your churches who can impart so much to you. Ask them stuff where you feel comfortable!

God bless you all today!

It’s been interesting looking at my old Verse of the Week posts. I’m sure I got some things wrong along the way, but I see so much of the enthusiasm and dedication I had.

One thing I’d do was stop to digest things. Not every day in the Word is the same. Sometimes, you’re absorbing things, researching, listening to sermons, or you stop and let everything sink in. You meditate in moments of stillness. I’d have days where I did nothing but give a reminder to do that because that's what I was doing in real time.

The Word of God is very weighty. Very weighty.

Scripture goes beyond what we read. It is not restricted to a page. God’s Word is alive. Beyond the page is His voice. The Spirit working in us. Our good fellowship. The feelings that have arisen from looking at Abraham’s sacrifice. The answers of our prayers each day… God is endless! When we mine His Word, that becomes even more evident.

On the opposite side: it is tempting to sleep on the Word of God. Other things call us – important things or inescapable circumstances, or entertainment.

But God is our joy, and spending time in the Word is like sneaking away to be with someone you can’t wait to see on a tough or busy day.

What you learn here, carry with you! Carry Scripture in your mind and your heart.

Even if it takes effort, isolation, and sacrifice.

Today, I’ve got little to say.

Please share what God’s put on your heart while we’ve gone through this verse!

I hope you have a lovely weekend 😊

Before God gave Moses the law, offerings were being made. Cain and Abel gave God offerings. And although not to God, pagans felt inclined to give their gods offerings as well. Offerings are a form of worship. During Abraham’s time, there was no knowledge of burnt offerings in the context of the tabernacle. Still, he had a heart of worship to give God offerings and even build Him altars.

In a lesson from Rabbi Schneider from Discovering the Jewish Jesus, I was convicted when he spoke of the significance of sacrifice in worship. He was teaching on the different types of offerings of the tabernacle, but I'll never forget the question he challenged me with: How many of us go to church for our own sake, to receive something?

Have you ever just wanted to give God something? To worship Him?

Worship makes God the centre, not us. And sacrifice draws us near to Him.

The Hebrew word for sacrifice is Korban. Which literally means “to draw near.”

The Burnt Offering after the time of Abraham was one that would be burnt entirely. Entrails, skin, all of it. Burnt up. Nothing left. Consumed entirely by fire. The aroma was sweet to God ( Leviticus 1:9).

I wonder if, even without the law, the idea of Abraham’s general sacrifice would give God the same honour and pleasure by simply giving Him all?

“Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,

with ten thousands of rivers of oil?

Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,

the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?” He has told you, O man, what is good;

and what does the LORD require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,

and to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:7-8, ESV

Abraham was offering up his son, Isaac.

Before looking at the promise of descendants – which is, of course, an honour – before obedience, can we please dwell on the fact that Isaac was a person he loved dearly? He wasn’t a thing nor an abstract idea. We know how this ends. We’ve seen the ending, but Abraham did not.

Yet the text doesn't include his conflict or fear. Or Isaac trying to fight back or question his father aside from wondering where the lamb was.

I kept asking myself why Abraham didn’t fight God on this point. He was displeased with Ishmael being cast out, but one word from God, and he obeyed at that time as well.

Could it be that even with all these feelings, Abraham trusted God and was truly ready and willing to give Him all? Even more than the temptation to rebel or to be fearful would allow? Maybe the emotions that I’m searching the text for aren't there because Abraham’s faith guided his steps, not his fear? Was he not scared to give God, whom he had faith in, all that he had?

Abraham withheld nothing.

Once more.

Abraham withheld nothing because of his faith in God.

‘By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, “Through Isaac shall your offspring be named.” He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.’

Hebrews 11:17-19, ESV

And God blessed him.

‘and said, “By myself I have sworn, declares the LORD, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies, and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice.” ’

Genesis 22:16-18, ESV

It’s not about you giving away things you don’t want to. If you know God intimately, you’ll give it away, setting your confidence in Him.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

Matthew 13:45-46, ESV

The deepest regret we might have is withholding anything we have from God. Giving it to Him is not losing it.

Reflect on Abraham’s heart today and speak to God as you do so.

Is there anything in your life that you know you must give to God? Ask Him to search your heart. May we draw nearer to Him.

That was a lot to digest 😅 It's pretty heavy. I almost feel like that searches question alone is a prayer. But still, we must always call on God. Reflection alone can not do it! To bear any fruit, we must abide in Him and don't forget our prayer from the first day. We hope to not only hear this and forget, but to be able to do this.

May I pray with you and over you?🙏🏾

“ Father, thank You for revealing more and more as we search the text. More about who You are and more about our own hearts, minds, views, and desires.

“We want to draw closer to You, Father. We want to grow in our faith, but we have no strength. Thank You for Your promise to be our strength in our every weakness. We may abide in You and receive all we need.

“Please search our hearts, Father, for anything we have not been able to trust You with. Whether that is a person, finances, a dream, an item, or even a fear.

“You are God. You can be trusted. Please inspire us in the Spirit to believe this and destroy any lies rooted within us, heal every trust-crippling wound, and take the territory of anything in us that speaks against that truth.

“Everything is safe in Your hands. So may we place everything there.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏🏾”

Stay and Chat 💬

If you've been following along this long, then you already know that you can skip this bit if you don't feel chatty. My greatest hope for you is the fruit born of the Spirit. If you'd like to leave a like or a comment, please do! You never know who it might bless to read it. Encourage each other, ask questions, or head to the community chat. Today, I just want to know:

What is one thing that God has asked you to surrender before? Do you regret it?

The circumstances before God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac deserve deep consideration.

Abraham waited many years to have the child that God promised. When Isaac was born, Sarah and Abraham were old. Abraham was 100 years old. God kept His promise, and beyond human limits, Isaac was born.

Sarah, before God fulfilled His promise, tried by natural means to give Abraham a child. She gave him her servant, Hagar, and Hagar bore Abraham a son: Ishmael. But when Ishmael was a teenager, he and Hagar(his mother) were cast out (Genesis 21:9-14). Abraham has parted from a son before! While it was not a command to sacrifice Ishmael, Abraham had this experience, and it was painful.

And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.

Genesis 21:11, KJV

Yet by God’s instructions, he obeyed what Sarah said.

And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.

Genesis 21:12-13, KJV

God also assured Abraham that Ishmael would be made a nation.

Abraham obeyed God at that time (Genesis 21:14), and God did make Ishmael a great nation (Genesis 21:20). He was faithful to His Word.

Then Abraham settled in Philistine land with his family (Genesis 21:34).

That sounds like the part of the story where we can all assume that Abraham would now live happily ever after, wiser, blessed with his promised son, emotional scars, and all. He was finally able to settle!

Then God commands Abraham:

“He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”

– Genesis 22:2

Now, imagine how he felt upon hearing those words.

After all that we just covered, tell me how Abraham might've felt.

How does Abraham respond in the next verse?

(Compare your findings to Genesis 21:14)

Let’s read Genesis 22 today 🙂

Stay and Chat 💬

Not everything requires a response, so you don't have to say anything if you don't feel comfortable. But I'd love to hear from you in the comments if you have anything you'd like to contribute! An observation, a revelation, or just to share an experience. You never know how your comments might bless others or even bless you to write out while you think about it.

That said, I’ll share something today!

But I'll lead with a question:

• Have you ever felt like God has done this to you? Put you through something hard, brought you out, only to scare you with the threat of the exact same type of situation you barely felt you survived last time? 😅

I went through a very hard time financially once. After that, God blessed me and my family, and I felt secure again. But… In no time, it felt like He had put me back where I started. I told Him wasn't allowed to do that, and I was so scared of going through it again. This was supposed to be God, finally fulfilling His promise to me. Now, here we were counting down to zero again. Was I supposed to sit there and trust Him? I rebelled, got very depressed, and felt like I should give up my faith. God was not who He said He was. Not to me, anyway. In a last ditch attempt, though… I began to seek Him like never before and realised that I had never really trusted Him or let Him in to begin with. When God took something from me, I was finally able to see Him. I now live in Him. Trusting Him daily, and I'm glad that I lost so much because I would've lost so much more without that hardship.

I just want to tell you that no matter what you're going through, you can trust God. What He has promised that He will do.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV

May I pray over you and with you? 🙏🏾

“Thank you, Father, for the time we spent here today. It is such a delight to seek You and find You in Your Word!

“May all we learn be rooted deeply within us and bear much fruit. May it also search our hearts and be a mirror to us.

“Father, help us surrender all this text brings out of us to You. The emotions, the questions, and the reflections. Start a conversation in our hearts, and raise a prayer from our lips. Be it thanksgiving, anxieties, or intercession.

“All is safe in Your hands.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen. 🙏🏾”

My very first attempt to post a Verse of the Week was a post with no effort beyond choosing a verse, copying it, and pasting it. I regret that. I proved to myself that I was able to see a bible verse, read it, and move on.

When we read the bible, even for a second. I believe we should stop. It's the Word of God, it shouldn't be that easy to scroll past.

Read it slowly. Maybe once or twice.

May we never reach a point where we can see it, give it an automatic like, and move on. Or post it and call it a day. Slow down with me for a second.

Let’s read our verse with all its surrounding context, taking it one day at a time. Making time to read up on a verse and making sure we aren’t overwhelmed and bombarded with multiple verses when we scroll can be a beautiful thing. We have the whole week with this one.

But first, may I pray over you and with you? It's so important to be still before God and ask for His guidance before we read Scripture and venture to seek understanding.

“Father, in all we do may we seek You. We want to grow closer to You as we read Your Word. Please bless us with focus, open our hearts to receive all that You would like to teach us through today's reading, and may we lean not on our own understanding, but trust in You to guide us.

“May the meditation of our hearts be upon You always. And may we never be so used to seeing Your Word that we are no longer sensitive to its weight and meaning. May we always be eager for it.

“In Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏🏾”

Now, let's continue enjoying God’s Word.

The verse before ours reveals that God is testing Abraham with this command.

God promised Abraham that he would have many descendants. Now God is asking him to take his son - who is a huge part of that promise - and sacrifice him. Abraham must sacrifice his dear son, who he loved.

That stated; how do you think God is testing Abraham?

I used to have a series on Facebook and my YouTube community called Verse of the Week.

I had to discontinue it because daily content was too demanding for me at the time. But I still like to share it across other platforms.

It could still be a blessing in someone’s life. Despite the challenge it was for me, having to get in the Word every day affected me deeply. I hope it does the same for you.

So here it is:

Let's set our focus on Genesis 22:2 this week.

When I read the bible before, I did it without true dedication to what I was reading.

I am not good at memorising, I never used to meditate or pray before I did it or pray over what I just read, and I'd walk away without application.

Our verse for this week is Genesis 22:2.

Then He said, “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”

Genesis 22:2 NKJV

Just read it today. I mean, read it. Stop. Digest those words. Read it twice if you need to. Read slowly. It may mean little now, but that’s exactly why we’re here. Day by day, it will mean more.

And I know we're at the end, but l may I pray over you and with you?

“Thank you, God, for Your precious Word and its power in our lives.

May we come before You with hearts set on seeking You first so all else may follow as we approach this verse. Open our senses beyond our flesh and bless us to be like children before You, our Father, as You impart knowledge to us.

My deepest request is this, Father, that from this study we:

Be be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.”

(James 1:22-25 NKJV)

Open our hearts to receive Your Word that deeply from day one onwards, and by doing so, may we love You and know You more.”

In Jesus’ Name, Amen 🙏🏾

Blessings, guys! 🥰 See you tomorrow!

Stay and Chat 💬

It's okay if you'd just like to leave a like (or not). Not everything requires a response, but take the chance to bless others in the comments section or just discuss. I'd love your contributions and to form a community with you 🥰 And your insight or contribution may be a blessing in the lives of others. Or speak up in the Community Chat!

Is this a part of the bible that you’re familiar with?

If so, what does it mean to you?

Biblical fiction of Tamar’s story(Genesis 37:1- 38:6).

Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah, is treated with injustice after injustice at the hands of men who should’ve protected her. To vindicate her name and claim her right, she must use other means to secure herself. To her are born children whose descendants would include Jesus Christ.

Tamar is a foreigner. She did something very bold and sneaky to her Father in law. Her story is one that made me curious about why people call her a brave woman.

I never could understand why people praised her without acknowledging that she was deceitful in how she achieved her ends.

This is a very, very messy story. Every inch of it. Unlike most biblical fiction, (that I’ve read) it has very few moments where we stop to dwell on God’s kindness and glory. There’s more injustice, more death, and more regret as the story progresses.

A recurrence throughout Tamar’s story is a feeling of God’s silence regarding the matters of their hearts. God’s apparent silence can be a word to us, though. Tamar and Judah’s grief, longing, and hopelessness are the loudest sound in the story. It’s another part of being Christian. The part when we are alone in our heads, feeling separate because of sin and hardship.

We get to be in on both Tamar and Judah’s POVs. A choice I didn’t understand at first, but fully supported by the end. This story only works when we acknowledge how inseparable their lives are regarding the lessons and developments in both their walks with the Lord.

Tamar was easily my favourite character.

These are historical women who actually lived. Their stories, as I have told them, are based on biblical accounts. Although some of their actions may seem disagreeable to us in our century, we need to consider these women in context of their own times.

That’s a Note From the Author that I had to share. I’d been considerate with others concerning the cultural history, but not so with Tamar. I let my ignorance of Levirate marriage rule my poor opinion of her. It’s a bit embarrassing. This note helped un-bias me. A story like this one finally forced me to go research what life was like for widows back then and why a law like this had any goodness and value. I’m grateful for it.

It also helped that Francine Rivers’s Tamar is an amazing girl.

My assumptions turned her into an angry, wronged woman. She had every reason to be a whiny, annoying heroine. Instead, Rivers’s made her the type of girl you’d wish justice for.

We all know Tamar’s marriage to Er was destined to be awful. If you are familiar with the bible story, you know what kind of person Er was.

“But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord…”

-Genesis 38:7

Yet, the first set of tears Tamar cries, in the story, are the last set. She is dead set on making the best out of her situation by being one who desires to honour her new family. She’s strong, smart enough to know when to shut her mouth, never tries to provoke others when bad situations arise, and she knows how to absorb hits. She has an excellent measure of judgement for her situation, and she remains respectful no matter what is thrown at her.

Like I said, Er is a terrible husband. Rivers’s choice depiction of him was perfect. He is a character who made me shiver instantly.

“You’ve heard things about me, I’ll bet.” He brushed his fingers against her cheek. She tried not to flinch. “Have your brothers carried stories home?”

…

“Believe the rumours, every one of them!”

The bible doesn’t even say what Er did. Just that he was wicked enough that God dealt with him. Rivers blended a perfect combination of traits to make him the most detestable person ever. I promise.

Then there is Judah.

We meet Judah in the middle of a life heavy laden with the guilt and shame of his decision.

Rivers actually primes the story with Genesis 37:1, when Joseph has his dream and hasn’t even been sold yet.

So Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? “Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh.” And his brothers listened.

-Genesis 37:26-27 NKJV

Judah is the one who suggests they sell Joseph. As a young Christian, I once thought that was a lifesaving act. Without looking at the people of the bible as people, I’d forgotten that selling one’s own brother is still treacherous and evil. Rivers drives that point home well in Unveiled.

I didn’t think one could come up with a character based on so little, but the details of his circumstances are well displayed throughout the story to come up with a believable and personal-feeling Judah.

He isn’t some beast, but he’s also not a man whose remorse moves him to great change. Judah actively lives in sin and tragedy by his passive behaviour.

When we look at the quality of his life since then, we can see just how far he has veered from God. He married a foreign wife, his sons are evil, and if we follow the story well, we see other extremes. He isn’t living in obedience at all.

The atmosphere of his household is familiar for any of us who have grown up in less than pleasant environments. The tiptoeing around an emotional minefield, the yelling, the fights… Francine Rivers really captured that tension. And she places Judah in the middle of it. When you meet his character, you’ll understand it immediately.

I’m amazed at how well the dual POV worked in this case. It was necessary to deliver the message and tell this story without any gaps. If it were just Tamar, I feel like I would’ve missed the whole point.

When you reach the end, it all comes together as to why the story had to be told in this way.

Tamar and Judah’s story draws attention to the full circle of what transformative moments can look like in our lives.

Because Judah is the same man who went from selling a brother to being the one who intercedes on his behalf in Genesis 44:18-34.

“Now therefore, please let your servant remain instead of the lad as a slave to my lord, and let the lad go up with his brothers.”

Genesis 44:33 NKJV

Judah had to first become a man who would now exchange his life for a brother. To become that man needed everything before it. Especially Judah’s own realisation that he was an unjust man.

After reading this story, I understood that with greater depth.

Francine Rivers takes the culture, the circumstances, the past of the characters, and biblical truth to bring us into a fictional Tamar’s world where, for the first time, I could empathise and actually see how much injustice she suffered, how at risk she was, and how God protected her.

I walked away with more knowledge for sure, but not everything was answered.

Don’t you love it when biblical fiction encourages you to get in your bible, though?

The book itself also has a bible study upon completion to do just that. Which I love.

I will also leave this sweet lesson right here from a dear friend (shout out to Catherine 🥰) who really blessed me by sharing her knowledge on the topic. It brought everything into perspective for me. Even without reading the book, I suggest that you give this lesson a listen:

Tim Keller’s Teaching on Tamar.

I fully recommend this book. I had an insightful read with it, and it really opened my eyes to how God uses everything in our lives for our good.

Content Note: This is Tamar’s story, so there are particular elements of her story involving sexual content that you may be wondering about.

Nothing graphic is expressed in this book. Sexual scenes are fade to black or skipped entirely, but their consequences are not.

Sexual activity is implied rather than described, I should say.

I do not advise this book as suitable for very young readers. But it is clean to that standard.

Something took me far deeper and further to the beginning of my faith to show me when God truly started to seek me.

For 40 days, I was with nothing but Christian content, Christian fiction, Christian entertainment, Christian friends, and my Bible. It made no sense. Years ago, these things were a fountain of wealth in my life. How could spending time with God be so grey compared to my usual entertainment? How could winding down with clean yet simple shows be a greater joy? They caused me no harm, but they didn’t feed my spirit.

Had this been the day I first felt God’s love for me, there would be no comparison necessary.

Now, my joys had become fearsome. Not one move could I make without questioning myself. Not one person could I pray for without playing their judge. Do they deserve God’s grace? Are they going to suffer as I do? Can’t they suffocate as I do right now? Condemn them, God. Make them suffer and feel pain. After all, that’s what God demands. Obedience pleases Him and earns our rewards. His love will be all gone if you don’t measure up. His mercy’s sole existence is so you’ll keep getting chances in the hope that on the day you die, you were close enough to perfect.

I grew up in a house with rules. The rules made things run smoothly. They were systematic and neat. But life is so painful when you do everything without love, settling instead to do all things perfectly. Or, in my case, to please and appease. In the rules of loving parents is nothing but their love. Even if that’s not what we always hear or feel, it’s in their intentions no matter the flaws. I could not always see the love in my mother’s rules or my father’s rigidity for anything besides good grades. They wanted the best for me. They did show me love in their smiles, their gifts, and- yes-, even in their rebukes.

I looked for it in unsaid, “I’m proud of you’s.” The empty seats at school plays. The hugs I craved, some kind words I longed to hear. I wanted to feel wanted. To feel my definition of love. I know I probably blinded myself to so much of what they did give. I turned myself into a beggar of things that were mine already.

I begged for love from mom and dad. I begged from my siblings. And anytime I felt my relevancy slipping in anyone’s eyes, it confirmed the worth I created for myself. An annoyance. A hindrance. Those titles felt more fitting.

Love was for those worthy of it.

The worthy followed the rules – were top students. If I was, at least better than anyone present, for a moment, I was the most important person in the room. I savoured those moments. The highest grade in the room. The best behaved. I’d love it when others would mess up. How sweet is the first honey of youthful pride! If you looked under my mask of model behaviour, you’d be surprised by the ugly sneer on a nine year old’s face. My mouth was full of kindness and concern. In my heart, I would degrade others. It is possible to be the sweetest of angels eloquently while being the cruellest of devils truly.

Since some people in society are world-class trophies, how else can the rest of us place without bringing down those around us?

Can you earn love? The real kind?

Our “trophies” fall off their pedestals with any sin. Great or small. Then, the very lips and eyes that bathed them with adornments will despise them and laugh at their downfall. They will shame them and condemn them, throwing stones. Love – real love – overcomes sin. It doesn’t share the same weakness as the imposter. It doesn’t rejoice in wrong doing, it rejoices in truth. In its perfection, it changes things. It lets the sinner close even in their filthy rags.

Sooner or later, even children must come to the realisation that the celebrated are the victors and the remnant are the vanquished. I don’t remember the age I was when I decided that I was not valuable.

How many times had I heard, “Keep doing that, and no one will ever want to be around you.” And tried my best and failed to stop doing that? Or other damning statements? As far as I was concerned, I met every requirement to become an ugly, disobedient, dirty, foul-mouthed, mannish old maid who would die alone. Maybe even a death that would be marked by a party, not mourning and a funeral. I took comfort in those lesser and other lesser things. If there exists no place for the imperfect among the authentic joys of life, then we must set ourselves up in the Underworld of counterfeit joy. There are many other things to comfort, right? I’m sure the kiss of the Proverbs 7 Harlot has more than one form. She is not the marriage bed of Songs of Songs. But for the one who found her on that corner when they were at their lowest…

“The man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.”

G.K. Chesterton

I could have love, joy, companions, and all good things for cheap, if not for their true worth. You can spend a fortune for something cheap, didn’t you know? You can give your whole life for a totally worthless thing that pays you back in unrelenting sorrow. Or spent purity. Or other things you’ll never get back.

“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.”

Isaiah 22:13

I could experience love. There are endless fictional scenarios to make one’s heart flutter. They are full of sweet nothings spoken to fictional women whose emotions one could enjoy secondhand. One could read enough “I love you’s” to others, almost forgetting the sting that, even in fiction, it was never said to you. After all, even in fiction, love chooses only certain types.

And the rest?

Well, there are many substitutes for joy, happiness, intimacy, friendship, and beauty. We have shows, movies, video games, violence, masturbation, pornography, drugs, money, and music – devils all dressed as angels of light. Not all listed are evil in themselves, of course. Keep in mind that even some good things require discernment. That is, if you have the ability to discern true goodness. I wouldn’t trust myself if I’d already been so deep in darkness, would you?

My choices were pornographic manga, romance novels, online games, video games, anime, bad language, popular series, music that enticed my depravity – anything to feel better than feeling bad all the time. These all helped validate my feelings. They fed each other. They were places I could hide.

Masks were excellent for playing. But I was committed now. A true hypocrite hides in the open. Mask off. I did this all in plain sight. Secrets hidden safely beneath skin, absorbed into my flesh. There are physical hiding places and spiritual ones. The God of heaven is a place to go in times of trouble, when there is danger, when you feel pain – He alone is the answer to all things. My hiding place became a sort of god in my life. My safe place, my refuge, my comfort, and a perfect mirror for my soul. Never did I hate myself more than when looking in that mirror. It was so fitting.

I’d scream in that place for someone to find me and love me, while knowing I was so deeply and well hidden that no one ever would.

At the same time, I lived in reality.

Every day, still demanding of myself everything my parents did. Nothing killed love so thoroughly as the laws I had to keep so that I could continue deluding myself that one day I might be worthy.

Obedience was an easy way out.

My reasoning became: If I do what they want, there won’t be a fight. They won’t yell. I can get back to my pleasures sooner. I can escape if I just grit my teeth.

I lived like this for more than 18 years.

To end here is no real ending. Even if you can see the picture I’m painting. Right now, this says, “trying to keep rules alone drove me away from love, and I spent an eternity in darkness.”

How does that lead to God?

By now, there should be some excellent idea that springs into hope and ends in happiness. That’s how most testimonies I used to listen to went. “And then everything was fine after I met God.” The short version. The non-existent short version. In my case, anyway. God can give you instant healing. He’s God. He can do anything. And no less miraculous are the parts that challenged me, the battles, the defeats, and the breakdowns.

I just told you of the conditions of a very dark and evil heart, ruled by lies. No human ears heard my cry, no human eyes saw my misery. Nothing could reach me. What kind of power would it take to make a person 18+ years bound in darkness, Know this to be the Truth:

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

“And it shall be, in that day,” says the Lord, “That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’ For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, and with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth, to make them lie down safely.

“I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.

“It shall come to pass in that day that I will answer,” says the Lord; “I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, and with oil; they shall answer Jezreel. Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth, And I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy; then I will say to those who were not My people, ‘You are My people!’ And they shall say, ‘You are my God!’ ”

Hosea 2:14-23 NKJV

In my darkness, God spoke those words to me. Before I was clean, He touched me. The words I had begged for, the title I coveted- Beloved!- came from the God of the Bible. He had seen my worst and heard my cry. Pierced my darkness with words I’d never heard before.

As indeed he says in Hosea,“Those who were not my people I will call ‘my people,’and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’” “And in the very place where it was said to them, ‘You are not my people,’there they will be called ‘sons of the living God.’ ”

Romans 9:25-26 ESV

Only God’s love saves. For me, it didn’t happen overnight. His words reached me, but Evil clung with its sharp claws. But I’m here now because Evil lost.

Shame can’t make me shut my mouth. Fear can’t intimidate me.

Some things aren’t bite-sized for a good reason.

There will be another part that leads to the process of breakthrough and deliverance.

Thank you for reading, and God bless you.

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is part of The Chronicles of Narnia series. It is the second book in chronological order. I am reading this series in Chronological order from a lovely illustrated HarperCollins boxset.

Siblings Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy are evacuated from London during World War II to live with Professor Digory in his big, historic, and grand home.

The children make the most of their time there, trying to get on as best they can without their parents.

During a game of hide and seek, the youngest, Lucy, hides in a wardrobe only to discover that it is a doorway to another world: Narnia. A magical world frozen in eternal winter under the tyranny and curse of the evil witch.

The children are called to an adventure beyond their imagination. They must join the battle to free Narnia!

After the places we last went, how deeply we came to know the other characters, and the awe and wonder of magic in The Magician’s Nephew, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy didn’t have the exposition that I was spoiled with. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe lacked some of my favourite things from the previous book. I wished to have seen the depth of their characters explored with the same depth as Digory and Polly.

They were good characters, though. Peter was a just and responsible leader, Lucy was a perfect picture of honesty and purity, Edmund was spiteful and his arc was executed perfectly, and Susan gave me some hint of motherliness but I’m sorry to say I don’t recall much else about her.

But that’s as far as my dislikes went.

Lucy was my favourite sibling. Girlish, sweet, polite, and angel hearted. She was instantly loveable, and every moment she was on the page, my world got that much brighter.

Edmund was my least favourite sibling.

Not because of what he did. In fact, I related to what his character went through. I thought that was the most brilliant part of the story.

Edmund’s temptation and his journey were painfully easy to recognise as a part of life we all come to. It took me a bout of meditation after finishing the book to come to the true value of what I had just read. My mouth almost touched the floor when I realised that we are all Edmunds.

But, for that reason, I started to believe we aren’t supposed to like him.

The allegory reaches even deeper depths when you realise that Christ died for sinners like us. Inexcusable, selfish, proud, treacherous bullies, who are easily bought with temptation. Undeserving of second chances, yet so covered by Christ that we have them. I can’t stare and judge young Edmund without a long glance at my own reflection.

I might’ve liked him in the end had the scene where his arc takes a different been shared clearly with us. I felt slightly cheated. Okay, okay. Greatly cheated. I wanted the comforting words, the great hope, the reconciliation! I got set in a state of suspicion towards him instead. Which is also another lesson when I think of it on my own.

Without seeing that scene in each of our own lives, we must believe in each other by the fruit we produce going forward. And love one and other, in spite of the risk.

I’m sorry, I know those of you who have not read the book or seen the movie might be lost here. I just have to express this. Things are not as simple as they seem. The simple sentences and children’s story disguise are a mask for the great depth of our salvation. Without spoilers, I can only say so much. I hope the curiosity behind the mystery of my words encourages you to pick up the series at the very least. Please forgive me for leaving you in the fog this paragraph.

The allegory behind The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe focuses on Jesus’s death and resurrection.

There are so many elements of the story that paint strong imagery and deliver powerful messages. C.S. Lewis uses everything. The conditions of the weather, the magic, the creatures, the perspective of them being children, and, most of all, Good and Evil. There is such a heavy distinction of sides in Narnia.

Aslan and his faithful followers, his strength, and unquestionable authority.

Jadis, with her ever darkening eternal winter, her title, and her army.

I’ve seen many wars in writing. Some gore-y, grisly, or delivered with effects and aesthetic rather than the truth. Jadis’s side was made up of ugly, nasty, hideous creatures from the nightmares of our childhood. Their faces made mine scrunch up with disgust. And willingly evil, they were ugly inside and out.

It was a wonderful use of monsters in fiction. Putting everything evil and bad seperate from what is actually good. A distinction that seems a bit more blurred these days as villains and villainous deeds take on the countenance of the angels of light.

Many elements build up as the story comes to its climax. If not for holding back spoilers, I would go in right now, telling you just how beautifully the story pulls from the bible highlighting some of the things about what Jesus did for us on that day and for eternity when He hung on a cross and took on all our sins.

This is the type of story that I grew more appreciation for by thinking about, more than reading.

In the moment, some scenes moved with words so small for the big things going on. Perhaps if my mind had slowed down to take it all in, I might’ve seen differently in real time.

I think The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is a story worth the read and reread that is definitely scheduled for the future. I’d love to see my thoughts on it in then.

I recommend it for all ages and for all you who love to see our glorious Saviour praised and worshipped in literary form. The mystery of the magic behind Narnia is that it is a mirror of biblical truths. Truths that all can understand. I invite everyone to enjoy this story and series.

Many of you have told me that this is your favourite book of the series. Let me know in the comments what makes this book so special to you?

And do you think Edmund was meant to be a likeable character?

Happy Reading!

The Scribe is part of Francine Rivers’s Sons of Encouragement series.

A series of 5 novellas focused on 5 different biblical historical figures: Aaron, Caleb, Jonathan, Amos, and Silas.

In The Scribe, we follow Silas, who is The Rich Young Ruler. As some apparently believe. Silas is “The Scribe” who recorded some of the letters of Paul in the New Testament. He also accompanied Paul on his travels and was a believer himself who encouraged many others on these journeys. This is his fictional story.

The beginning of his story reminded me of the beginning of many in the bible because Silas is left to pick up the mantle when those who once led him are now dead.

I’ve never meditated on what it might feel like to be the one left behind to a legacy of love when you have just witnessed brutal atrocities against those you love.

Silas is weighed down by heavy grief, his life is in severe danger, and he is convinced that he is going to die, and he ought to accept it now.

Witnessing another crucifixion, he can’t help but see humanity’s action as one with the influence of the devil.

“Silas groaned. Oh, Lord. Even had I been blind, I would have heard the wrath of Satan against mankind in that arena, the lustful rejoicing at bloodshed. He murders men, and they help him do it!”

He’s haunted and traumatised by all he has witnessed. To the point of it silencing him. To point of wishing himself dead. He is a true grieving soul, discouraged by it all with a faith admittedly weakened by finally losing Peter and Paul.

“Can I dwell on the past without being undone by it?”

You’d think with all that time around men of God, having the privilege to record their words inspired by the Holy Spirit, Silas would pick himself up by his boot straps and launch forward with a confident faith.

Francine Rivers often tells stories in ways that address the fact that faith is not easy. She starts in the dark, and we end up okay. She displays God’s power and faithfulness when hardship of the very worst nature has occurred. You walk away knowing His is a power that transcends even death.

Silas ends up travelling to an environment that is not insensitive to his loss, nor does it seal its lips towards his new responsibility. He must continue to serve God.

Like most of the Sons of Encouragement series, it threw off my expectations by Rivers’s choice of execution of the premise.

I thought we’d be in first person with Silas as he lived alongside Paul and Peter. We are not.

I thought – first step in – we’d be full of zeal and faith. We’re not.

Most of what Silas experienced with Paul and Peter and before Paul and Peter is told as he writes an account of his life while recovering from their deaths. What he recounts are things of great difficulty. It’s not a sparkly optimistic Hollywood montage or something over brutalised. While it is full of death, beatings, and rejection… The feeling of hardness rises from this unavoidable fact that being a Christian was – and is – battle after battle. It put a lump in my throat. Not just knowing he could die (and by extension that we, as Christians, could die for our faith), but that after the joy of knowing Christ as He walked the earth, only hardship remained.

The remaining Christians only had each other, and they lost each other in horrific ways. They battled two cultures between the Gentiles and Jews, being hated on every side. That’s not exactly the life most of us live today. Also, Silas was down in the beginning, but goodness, look at everything he faced before Peter and Paul died!

As the reader, you have to literally sit down and prepare yourself, just like he does, to look back on all that and find a reason to stay faithful, to forgive, to love.

It was a hard read.

I didn’t want to be there.

What then about my own faith? When things get hard, is that what I’ll feel? An urge to go watch pretty, easy things that are always so readily available these days?

I wanted to stop reading.

Instead, I stayed. It’s important to catch it all. Uncomfortable as life is, we don’t run from challenges when we know the God we serve.

Francine Rivers knows how to keep pointing to God. Someone once said, “You know you’ve got a good friend if every time after you hang out with them, you want to be more like Jesus.” She’s that author for me.

Every. Single. Time.

Silas begins his personal account from the start of his faith journey. Before his conversion, before meeting Paul, before meeting Timothy, before travelling with Paul, and before preaching Christ the Messiah everywhere.

Do you have any idea what it might’ve looked like to build the church back then?

Silas writes of times when Jesus was rejected among the Jews and Gentiles, and order was just being formed. They stumble through the process, getting some things wrong here and then right in other places.

I don’t know why it never stuck it out to me that it was hard to deal with people. Persecution, you expect in a story such as this one. What I didn’t expect was the in-fighting, watching strong attachments form between men and women of no blood relation, and Francine Rivers’s version of Paul.

It’s so much simpler than you’d expect. By which I mean that the supernatural should be huge and epic, right? And it is, if you’re not blind to the miracle of those everyday moments where we are touched in small ways and it changes us in big ones. Things like supporting each other, older men teaching younger men the ways in which they should go, believers having Godly conversations, and people humbling themselves before others. That is miraculous to me. That is light and beauty.

Especially because it means dying to ourselves in the process.

I got to see what it cost these believers as well. They had very human responses when the people they preached to didn’t want to concede.

“How many times had I seen the Good News greeted with anger and scorn? Most people don’t want to hear the truth, let alone embrace it. To accept Christ’s gift means admitting that everything on which we based our lives before has gained us nothing. It means surrendering to a power greater than ourselves. Few want to surrender to anything but their lusts. We cling to our vanity and go on striving to find our own way when there is only one way.”

They were rejected.

Being written with a large focus on Silas’s account of the past, I yearned to see more of how it changed his heart to write it. As a reader, I am to suppose that Silas is being touched recalling all this, just as I am moved while he writes it. Yet, with so few moments where we zoomed out of his accounts to see how he felt… I found myself longing to be in the present very much.

When we did come out of his accounts for air, it was Diana (a fictional love interest) that was on his mind. I like romance, but I wanted more focus on Silas’s other aspects of life. How he felt now and what recalling the accounts meant to him.

Was he gaining strength? Getting more depressed? Forming relationships with the other believers around him? We don’t get to see those relationships being built in real time!

The account, itself, was very heavy reading. Being an account, it did its best to show, not tell, but not in a way that the story read like fiction. It read like the bible, in a way, so it took more of my meditation, more thoughtfulness, which is not an issue when reading my bible. I expect to get deep like that; to see beyond and dig. But fiction can be hard to read like that. I wasn’t trying to rush through, but it was a struggle to engage with the ease that I often have in a fictional setting. Or maybe it was because I can’t understand what the characters are going through yet? The writing left me disconnected quite a bit.

But like the Word, having to look beyond and dig deeper, I was encouraged to seek God for understanding where my heart couldn’t comprehend.

Many of the parts that made me lose interest were scenes that were repetitious because they were constantly preaching Jesus, caring for enemies, full of concerns for safety, and praying without ceasing.

So much of it is repetitive, but that’s the truth! The emphasis isn’t dull. It ended up showing me something. Something I prayed that my heart would be soft enough to receive. May we never tire of hearing or spreading the Word. Paul, Silas, Luke, and Timothy spoke of Jesus many times, but some were hearing those words for the first time each time they spoke. It wasn’t for variety or novelty. I tried to keep recounting the events in their importance and their limitless splendour as they said the same things again and again.

Which is a valuable lesson.

As well as this:

“It was not your words that convinced me,” he told us. “It was your love…”

Remembering why they did what they did was important fuel to keep with the book. I wasn’t just reading about some hero’s quest to further his own glory or entertain me. I tell you, sometimes the eyes with which we read books decide whether or not we can determine their value at all.

I remember starting my journey with Christian fiction and hating so much of it. Every time I’d read reaching for the old secular enjoyments, I’d realise that it only highlighted my previous love for evil. I would not find what I once sought on these pages. Only then did treasures open up before me. My heart broke, and I would pray as I read and look to Him.

The Scribe clearly put me in a meditative state on the life of a Christian. Reading Silas’s journey is a great way to face some of the realism of Christianity and restore a broken faith.

It’s a story about Silas, but so little about Silas. But I think that’s also the point.

“It is not by your word or mine that men are saved,” Paul told him when he came to Titius’s home, “but by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

“But am I capable?”

I gave him what advice I could. “God has equipped you for the work. Remember: we can ask God for wisdom, and He will give it without rebuking us for the asking. But be sure when you ask Him that your faith is in the Lord alone. Don’t waver, Timothy. And don’t try to work things out on your own. Trust Jesus to show you the right path. Then take it! When He gives you the words to speak, speak them. Do those things and God will do work here in Ephesus.”

I definitely recommend this book. Especially to settle into some big ideas and big uncomfortable feelings. It’s not easy on the heart, but may it reinforce your faith and prepare your heart for every struggle of this miraculous fellowship we share in Christ Jesus.

The Scribe also came with a Seek and Find Bible Study, as did the other 4 novellas in the series. I read from a five-in-one collection called Sons of Encouragement.

I think almost all Francine Rivers books come with questions at the end. I used to skip them, but now I kind of like doing the studies. It’s wonderful to think at the end of a book or be encouraged to head into the Word and see what God says about what you just read. Books are an escape for some, but if God is your refuge, being pointed right back to His Word is the sweetest escape from all calamity.

Happy Reading!

If you have read this book, I would love to hear your thoughts about it as well! What did you like about it? What did you hate?

The Magician’s Nephew is part of The Chronicles of Narnia series. While this is the 6th book according to publication order, it is the 1st in chronological order. I am reading this series in Chronological order.

When neighbours, Polly and Digory, meet over the summer, they form a friendship, and an adventure in the attic leads them to Uncle Andrew’s secret experiments. Being something of a magician, Uncle Andrew teleports poor Polly away, giving Digory no choice but to submit to being a guinea pig in this experiment in order to follow in and rescue her!

Together, they explore other worlds and witness the creation of one called Narnia. They also get into some trouble that threatens their own world.

I did not expect the simplicity of C.S. Lewis’s writing for children to equal the complexity he has for his nonfiction. The big words were missing, but the eternal, the depth, the wisdom were all there. This is another example of C.S. Lewis’s ability to make difficult concepts into simple illustrations that we can all understand. As well as another show of his boldness by tackling something like Genesis and getting it so right fictionally.

What an introduction into Narnia!

Our pair of main characters took me well by surprise because they are children, but they are written with a depth that doesn’t always extend to most children that I’ve read in fiction. C.S. Lewis does a great job with Polly and Digory.

Polly is clever, logical, and sometimes sweet. She’s a very daring girl whose logic isn’t easily overpowered, but she does have a weakness for trinkets as we see with her little “collection”.

Digory, on the other hand, is adventurous, mouthy, brave, and always seems to have dirt on his face. He isn’t scared to speak his mind and doesn’t always think things through, but he has a good sense of honour.

Despite being children, they have wisdom. Digory, especially, is going through something very difficult. The way they process things with children’s logic shows thinking in one of its purest forms. Their mistakes, their shame, their awe and wonder… Their’s was a great point of view to witness things like evil, magic, and the birth of a new world. I felt free to be a kid again, and that removed all inhibitions to cry, gawk at everything with my mouth open, and explore things with innocence.

The many worlds they visit are amazing. I thought it would be Narnia, and that was that, but no. C.S. Lewis spreads the mysteries of our world and spiritual realities across more than one. I suppose he knew that it would be difficult to say it all in one space, and he left open possibilities so that we may know how endless these things are.

It was shocking to feel like I knew these places and understood them. We’re talking about magic here, not things I’ve ever seen with my own eyes. That’s how well the writing captured biblical symbolism, though. The story has real feelings of magic because we have a real God who made this world with wonderful mysteries.

My enchantment stemmed from recognising it all.

Even in the other darker characters like Uncle Andrew and Jadis. Who embodied their roles well.

When Aslan finally got on the page, I must’ve been still with perfect awe. Not having the words or the imagination to take me to Genesis – knowing nothing written or imagined could ever compare to what really happened – and, this, being the first attempt I’ve ever read, made my heart flutter and I cried.

What a brave, bold, beautiful thing to do with writing.

I loved how Aslan interacted with everyone and everything. He was… If you’ve ever thought that a mighty creator was one thing and then you spoke to Him and He was merciful, fearsome, beautiful, and all powerful while being loving at the same time. He was familiar in the best of ways.

This is an amazing story. It’s full of such beautiful things. I felt revived reading it. It’s full of adventure, it’s funny, and deep. I love the way one description calls it a Portal Fantasy. That best describes it.

I recommend this for all ages and to all people. It was a beautiful book, and it glorifies God magnificently, in my opinion.

I am beyond excited to continue the series.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments if you’ve ever read The Magician’s Nephew. Did you like it or hate it? And why?

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